Sunday

m-e-c-h-a-n-i-c-a-l

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Friday, October 02, 2009 | 6:20 AM

i can't believe that when i typed 'can you get lead poisoning if you stab yourself with a mechanical pencil?' into google, google actually predicted the remainder of my sentence. this means that i'm not the only dumb one out there...

a) who stabbed herself with a mechanical pencil

and

b) typed that question into google

i feel a little less foolish.. knowing that many someones across the world have experienced the exact same predicament (ie: pencil lead - which btw is actually made of graphite. duh - embedded in their fingers)

I can give you what you want.

i am... fine

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Sunday, August 16, 2009 | 4:38 AM

happy anniversary to me.

one and a half years later, yet here i am. alone again. and where is the love of my life? nowhere in sight. like carrie says, sometimes it's all about timing. aidan had been gone too long and BIG was there. on second thought, that's what she said right before she cheated on aidan with BIG. umm which is not good, obviously. and not the direction i was heading in.

i thought being in a relationship meant never feeling alone again? i guess there are exceptions to every rule. i know how this sounds. logically speaking, the only anniversaries that count are the annual ones, first, second, third year and so on.. nobody does monthlys (unless you have a helluva lotta time on your hands), or 1.5 yearlys. perhaps this is all my doing; making a mountain out of a molehill. i've been told i'm prone to dramatics...

a.n.y.w.a.y, while he's on his boys' night out in liverpool doing god knows what, i'm having a girls' night in. that's right. just me, my hidden stash of kinder bueno and sex and the city reruns - the perfect antidote for the mood i'm in.

maybe i've been getting it wrong all along. i'd been focusing all my attention on the flaws in our relationship, when the relationship i should've been examining is the one i have with myself.

ME ME ME.
doing what I want, when I want, not giving a shit about anyone else. no need to walk on eggshells in someone else's house and follow someone else's rules; feeling guilty about my hair dropping all over the house, worrying about clogging up the shower drain, or wetting the bathroom mats. being forced to make the bed. having to wake up and eat at specific times and only if everyone is present. being appropriately dressed. not being allowed to make any loud noises. watching cantonese tv programs almost 24/7 (it's worse than it sounds, and cheesier too). being and feeling alone all the time - which just goes to show you can be in a relationship and STILL FEEL LIKE THE LONELIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD.

and tea, oh, the fucking tea! for god's sake, you have two hands and two feet that function just fine. MAKE YOUR OWN TEA!

i am NOT a daughter-in-law so why am i already acting like one?!? generally, the perpetual feeling of obligation. and having to be considerate to everyone, but myself. it's tiring being someone you're not.

i guess it's only normal. when you live in someone's house, you follow their rules. i have no legitimate reason to complain, his family has been nice to me (they don't make me pay rent or do any slave labour) in the only way they know how; with all kinds of noodles, and home brewed chilli oil - i like.

but home will always be home. at home, i can wake up and sleep anytime i want. i can wear pjs and pimple cream all hours of the day and NOT GIVE A DAMN. i can eat whatever, whenever. no one cares if i eat at the dining table or in front of the tv. i'm not obliged to anyone. they wouldn't expect me to wash the dishes, but i'd offer anyway. they wouldn't ask me to cook, but i'd offer anyway. no one would expect me (of all people) to serve them tea, but perhaps even then, i'd find it in me to offer.

the things i'd do, if i could only go home. and be me again. i've been stuck in this rut for so long, i've forgotten who i am; forgotten what it's like to be ME.

to wrap things up, that's all i needed to say.

Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready
I am... fine
I am... fine
I am fine

thank you and goodnight.

p/s: what i said earlier still stands. i couldn't even begin to imagine my life without you in it. and i don't ever want to. no matter what we're going through, as long as we're going through it together, i believe we can face anything. i love you.

Labels: relationships

I can give you what you want.

is this worth fighting for?

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Friday, August 14, 2009 | 7:50 AM

things haven't been great for awhile.

we don't talk for hours on the phone. in fact besides 'how was work?' 'what's for dinner?' we don't really have much to talk about. we don't laugh hysterically. we fight about the most ridiculous things (i admit, i pick on little things and get annoyed easily). i don't look at you that way. you don't look at me. period. you don't really see me. your family talks over me, in front of me, in a language i don't understand. 24/7. all i can do is to look around blankly; it's like i'm not even there. i'm tired of being invisible.

i'm no longer the center of your universe. selfish as it may sound; i enjoyed being the sun, and you, the earth steadily orbiting around me. you made me feel safe, secure. now, it feels like i'm about to fall off the edge at any moment. i'm lonely and alone. how did it get this way?

has the novelty worn off? i'm not a sparkly new toy. all i am is a little worn around the edges, with split ends to boot. my mother always says: don't overstay your welcome. i think i just did. i've been here too long. our relationship has become routine, mundane. we've both taken each other for granted.

in places where i used to see goodness, all i see now are flaws and imperfections.

i will never be the top priority in your life, and it kills me inside.

you don't keep ALL your promises. (okay fine, you're only human so i'll let this one go)
it's unlikely that you'll move out of your parent's house within the next 5 years, which means a) we'll never move in together b) have a life separate to your family and the shop c) have any kind of privacy.

why won't you understand my logic and just let me be? (applicable to my general unwillingness to wake up early, make the bed, serve you tea, clean your room, be subservient) NEVER, NEVER I SAY!

for some unfathomable reason, the fact that you can't be bothered to carry anything in your pockets hence, dumping your stuff - keys, inhaler, tomtom, wallet, ipod, phone - in my already shoulder-crippling bag bugs the crap out of me. it was cute for like 5 seconds, until it wasn't. maybe it's simply a neurosis of mine, but if you have pockets, why can't you carry your own shit? are you allergic to carrying stuff?

one of my good friend's boyfriend peels her frickin prawns for her!?! not that i would expect you to follow suit, because that's a little OTT and i'm capable of peeling my own prawns, but is it too much to ask, for a little help with the groceries sometimes?

at the end of the day, the question is, is this worth fighting for?

at this point, i'm unsure. i foresee being at a crossroads next year, i will have to make a decision, it's here, or home, with or without you, by which time the decision may not even be up to me.

i don't know anything anymore. all i know is that i can't imagine life without you. whoever said relationships are easy needs to be doused in cold water, repeatedly.

hello, reality check?

Labels: relationships

I can give you what you want.

what's wrong with me?

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009 | 7:06 PM

currently listening to: joni mitchell

do you ever lie in bed at night, unable to sleep? tossing and turning, fidgeting continually, scratching your arms and legs now and then.. anything but sleep? you tell yourself to just close your eyes, clear your mind, focus on breathing, inhale, exhale.. but the harder you try, the more impossible it seems to get. instead the thoughts keep rolling in tumbles, a constant flow of words sentences phrases that don't make sense, disjointed, incoherent. images, a shuffled slideshow that overlap in time and place. songs, pounding through your head, just as your heavy lids are about to fall, florence and her bloody machine starts to sing again. damn.

that's me. that's been me for the past few days, weeks, months - i don't even know anymore. lethargic. i feel tired all the time; i tried to remedy it by sleeping more, but the more i sleep, the more exhausted i get. i can't fix this innate weariness, where is it coming from? sure, i'm burned out from the 6 months in amsterdam, the 6 months of not sleeping more than 3-4 hours every single night and crying my brains out, but are these the consequences? what is my body telling me? that i can't do this anymore? i'm 22!

i find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, heck, afternoon. the snooze button on my alarm was pressed at least 5 times this morning alone. i could probably snooze till the cows come home, and still be in bed by the time my bf gets off work. what is WRONG with me?

uninspired, unmotived. ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME.

1:12am last night, i crept out of bed, sneakily turned on my laptop. i told myself i had to get these thoughts, these words out of me, before i spontaneously combusted. i had to get it down in black and white, a textual detox? instead i got distracted, and watched one of my fav films 'practical magic' on youtube - at least i went to bed with a smile on my face. i absolutely adore that scene with nicole kidman driving on a highway, singing along to joni mitchell's 'a case of you'. perfection. btw her hair is simply divine. when i return home in dec, i must bring some photos to the hairdresser's for a comparison. i need a trim, badly. my hair is practically down to my ass. i bet that's what happened when rapunzel got locked up in that tower, she probably got terrible split ends.

sidetracking, i wish i could be a witch. like sandra bullock/nicole kidman in practical magic. who needs dissertations and groupwork when i could grow fruits and veggies in my garden to create organic shampoos and soaps and lotions, to sell in my own shop? with hair THAT perfect, i wouldn't mind. *wishful thinking*

my mother would probably skin me alive and turn me into a handbag, if i were to quit school and go home now. OR become an organic farmer. OR get married and become a housewife. ahh.. the possibilities are endless.

speaking of my mother, guess who called and woke me up from my slumber? yes indeed. mother dear. jolted me from my sleep to commence a lecture on my depressive state, my inactivity. my general loser-ness (my words, not hers). she was compassionate though, said she understood, she'd been through it before. with daddy. told me to get out of bed, to DO something. go swimming, go to the gym. get started. getting started is always the hardest part. bake. baking is therapeutic. to go on a short vacation somewhere, anywhere, alone.

you know what. maybe that's what i need to do. for real. maybe i should book a holiday somewhere, alone. bring my laptop with me. sip margaritas by the beach. and write.

what say you?

maybe virgi is right. i'm tired of waiting for someone to go on a holiday with me. when will the time ever be right? i should just pack up and go by myself. stupid boyfriend!

note: jacky is also right. i need to find a way to remind myself that i am lucky, i am fortunate. there are people out there as we speak, with no families, no shelter over their heads, no clothes to wear, no food to eat. they don't have the opportunities that i've been given, to have an education, a better future.

remind myself that the world does not revolve around me. period.

I can give you what you want.

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Friday, July 24, 2009 | 9:09 AM

Labels: video

I can give you what you want.

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Thursday, July 23, 2009 | 7:52 AM

she will never be able to love me the way i need to be loved.

Labels: family

I can give you what you want.

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Saturday, July 18, 2009 | 2:13 AM

just when i thought i'd forgotten you, there you are. everywhere, all at once.

i hate that you still have an effect on me. i hate that i ever met you. i wish you never existed.

most days, i tell myself that nothing happened, that i imagined it all in my head.

most days, i believe it.
not today.

Labels: boys

I can give you what you want.

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Monday, July 06, 2009 | 6:46 AM

wed - tequila night
in the midst of drowning our sorrows, lou and i nearly finished a bottle of tequila between us. inititally, i drew lines on my cardboard drawer (to mark the number of shots) with a marker but the tequila took over... all i can say is, i lost count at #4.

thurs - hangover
i woke up with the worst headache known to mankind. everything hurt. it hurt to think, let alone move. i kept chanting inwardly: don't think. just close your eyes and try to fall sleep. after throwing up twice, i swore never to touch tequila or lemon ever again. okay, at least for a month. as i half-knelt/doubled over the toilet seat, a little voice in my head taunted me, asking if the pain was worth the pleasure. trust me, it SO wasn't.

i actually took an entire day to recover, i know, i'm surprised myself. i lay in bed all day like some sick puppy, not moving or thinking. it was harder than you'd imagine.

fri - efteling theme park (flash, emmi, sarah)
rollercoasters, cotton candy, an unlimited amount of screaming, my clothes getting soaked - yup, my kinda PG fun in the sun.

sat - singel 404 + ribs at that restaurant i don't know the name of (lou & hk girls)
offical good food day. that's all i can say... and that i was wearing a supermini dress. i swear some guys walking past called out "lend her some money". if they were trying to be creative/funny, i think they meant i couldn't afford a longer dress. ahh whatevs.

sun - picnic at a park, canal biking, the trut/alternative gay bar
i woke up early to make my famous garlic prawn pasta and fruit crepes, lou had a big bag full of goodies. together we set off to do as the dutch do; to lunch in style, drifting along a canal as we do so. along the way, we were distracted by a festival of sorts, it looked so lively and lovely that we promptly got off and joined in. sitting in a shade, nibbling strawberries dipped in maple syrup and sipping wine, watching little boats go by - it was the perfect way to spend a sunday...

for the next two hours, we proceeded to get lost trying to find the canal bike-renting place then we almost got ourselves killed, in our failed attempts at steering it. picture this: us on the wrong side of the canal, floating in the path of a MASSIVE canal cruise charging at us (that's a bit of an overstatement), lou laughing his head off at god knows what and me screaming like a raving lunatic. it was singlehandedly the most embarrassing thing to happen this year. people seated at cafes along the canal were watching, and undoubtedly laughing. not to mention, we also got stuck - sideways - in a canal.

p/s: i don't even know how many floating houses we banged into. sorry!

we had famous dutch pancakes at the pancake bakery. sad to say, my mexican tasted more like sweet and sour chicken. blah.

the trut was an eye opener; so many beautiful men, all gay. le sigh. i've never felt so overdressed and ... straight in my life. i'm saying that like it's a bad thing. jesus. i wore my mum's vintage cape with gold trim, it was so so gorgeous, i received compliments from just about everyone *beams* fyi, i've never had to wait in line (so damn long) to enter a bar before and the place is too underground - we almost couldn't find it.

+ the crowd is cute, - the toilets are vile. if i wasn't drunk, i don't think i would've dreamed of stepping into their loos, or touching the toilet seat without disinfecting it first. lou and i managed to befriend the very blond (nick-carter-when-he-was-cute-lookalike/czech) j & j (flicky blond fringe/swede) and 2 random guys on bikes outside the trut, post-closing time. our plan was to continue partying hearty with our newfound strangers but it was a sunday and frankly, amsterdam is dead on a sunday. we had no choice but to bid adieu and cab home.

alas! on our week in amsterdam, we meet some genuinely cool people. where was this social life 6 months ago?

mon - picking up of MVV + laserguns
by the time i picked up my MVV, i was informed it would be valid for, all of 2 days. whoopee. the lady gave me a handbook on my MVV, i promptly threw it on my way out. laser gunning was a blast; i felt like a kid again, screaming my brains out, just because. pity i wasn't feeling well, in fact all the physical activity made me feel worse. it made for great facebook photos though.

tues - day at the beach
i cancelled on flash in lieu of staying at home to recuperate. good call. when he told me he brought champagne, i died a little inside.

wed - packing/mint party
yawn. three little piggies walked all the way home. bonus: watching F dancing his ass off onstage and gyrating up to some guy. classic. always fun to witness teachers gone wild.

thurs - spent the day with anne (bakery/westerpark) + bbq
the bakery was adorable, we ordered an assortment of pastries on a tray and sat in the backyard to bask in the sunshine. i've learnt: when the sun comes out, so do the dutch. strawberry cake, brownies, a scone, lemon cake, fresh cream, a bonbon and little chocolate drops. divine.

we walked to westerpark (a recommendation by one of the guys on a bike) and parked our bums on a bridge (i don't know what else to call it) with our feet dangling over a pond. we sat and talked for hours, before moving to a huge padded swing in front of a cafe/restaurant, sipping lemonades. i was so brown from all the sun exposure; though my tanlines promptly stopped mid-thigh, at the hem of my minidress, which was a little weird.

lastly, we went to fullup's bbq. here's what i've discovered, the fundamental difference between asians and europeans is: at an asian bbq, we eat until the food runs out, and there are ALWAYS second, third and fourth helpings, if not more. at a european bbq, people hardly eat at all, in fact talking/drinking seems to take precedence. i was stunned speechless. there i was, stuffing my face with salmon and spicy chicken wings and everyone else had already moved onto dessert.

fri - sex and the city
seasons 1 to 5 never aired in sg, so this is officially my first time watching SATC and i must say, i'm lovin' it.

sat - packing/dinner with lou
i lured lou out with the tempting offer of dinner at one of our fav restaurants, on me. i had the salmon and chips with garlic sauce, while he had turkey noodles in thai-style curry. oh, we had the saddest farewell, both of us walked away with tears in our eyes. i'm gonna miss him so much.

sun - packing
more packing; deciding what stays and what goes. always tough for me, what with my karang-guni tendencies. more SATC. i've decided, i'm a cross between carrie and charlotte. i even had my own mr BIG plus i'm interested in journalism, talk about living parallel lives (mine is still missing the fabulous party invites, lunches/brunches and sextalk with girlfriends and designer clothes/shoes) someday...

mon - leaving
i would love to see van gogh + stop by wagamamas to say hello/goodbye to j&j + visit vondelpark (it's all in the vicinity) and maybe make a final trip down to singel 404, if i can find my way there without getting lost. we'll see. their iced coffee is fantastic, def worth getting lost over.

Labels: clubbing, party, updates

I can give you what you want.

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Monday, June 22, 2009 | 3:24 AM

initially i was angry, upset, bitter. i came here with every intention of giving you a piece of my mind. luckily, i've come to my senses. all there is left to say is: sometimes you think you know someone... but you really don't.

goodbye. (i wanted to add 'have a nice life' but screw being politically correct, just for once)

I can give you what you want.

tuesday.

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Saturday, June 20, 2009 | 12:09 AM

tuesday

i planned my 'submission' outfit down to a t(ee). the intended look was: silky amethyst minidress, bare legs, leather heeled gladiators... however, due to the bad weather, i had to substitute bare legs with black skinnies and glads for flat brown boots. oh well..

that aside, the bangs went down pretty well. i cut them in the bathroom sink last week but i haven't seen anyone since (other than P), so i forgot to anticipate any kind of reaction from my classmates. the general consensus was for the bangs, not against :)

on tuesday morning, we were only in class for about 45 mins, then we were allowed to leave. and despite the mere few hours of sleep, i didn't feel like going home after handing up our work. i was craving some release into the outside world (anywhere but my room) so i semi-dragged A to town. we found ourselves escaping the rain in a cosy corner of the waterlooplein branch of bagels & beans, sipping hot chocolate and chatting away. the day before, FB and i made plans to lunch at singel 404 (they serve the best sandwiches IN THE WORLD!) after the hot choc stop, we met up with FB and walked to singel.

i ordered my usual, remarking; either my appetite has grown or the portions have shrunk. i think it was just a one-off incident.

post-lunch, FB and i headed off to do a bit of shopping - more him than me. i followed him to LV and watched him browse the selection of bags while i tried my best to look interested. i'm sorry, monograms aren't my thing. (we both agree)

incident #1: some super white-haired old man (we're talking mid to late 60s?) held up a hideous LV women's handbag and asked me if i liked it. he said he was buying it for his wife. i resisted the urge to raise my eyebrows and politely enquired instead: oh, how old is your wife? (all the while picturing some equally old and white haired lady) he replied: about your age, 26.

a) i'm not 26. b) WTF!

i struggled to pick the nicest bag from the hideousness on display, but... couldn't. he thanked me anyway, despite my lack of useful input.

after LV, we popped into gucci by which time i was yawning. no offence to gucci lovers, but the music and perfume in there is seriously sleep-inducing, combined with my overall lack of sleep.

we spent the remainder of the day casually strolling in town. at one point, we came across an ice cream place and i suggested we get some to accompany the perfect weather. i got us both ice creams (it took some convincing on his part but trust me, FB has legs any girl would envy so he has nothing to worry about); i chose 2 scoops of macadamia and belgian chocolate, he chose some sorbet-ish flavours. it was lovely... licking our ice creams and not having a care in the world. tra la la..

incident #2: i needed to use the loo so we started searching for macs/burger king. we paid 0.30 euro cents and were just about to enter the respective loos when the lady stopped FB and pointed at the signs 'heren' and 'dames'. we were confused for a minute until i realised she was stopping FB, not me. i then pointed out that he's a BOY. she finally caught on and started apologising profusely. heh. i can't believe these mishaps actually happen.

we came home early, dropped by the post office to make some enquiries and for FB to pick up a package. I got home, changed into a cami and denim cutoffs and the cleaning commenced!

- vacuumed my room
- swept the flat (the space outside my room)
- threw out the trash, sorted the paper cartons/glass bottles for recycling
- started cleaning/scrubbing the toilet

in the middle of cleaning the loo, i went upstairs to borrow a toilet brush from lou, and lend him some curry powder... however i ended up staying and chatting, eventually falling asleep, curled up in his supercosy-butdirty (heh) sheets - he even took a video of me sleeping! i simply snoozed on, completely unaware. he woke me up at 10PM! after i had been knocked out for a good 2 hours or so. i couldn't believe how long i'd been in a comatose state, oblivious to everything he'd been doing while i was sleeping.

we were both desperately hungry and in need of a quick fix, so we decided to order in some new york pizza. alas! we had missed the window of opportunity (delivery times) by about half hour. in the end, lou made thai-style curry and pasta for us. it was yummy. finally, after sleeping in his bed and eating his food, i was inevitably chased out of his flat heh.

by the time i returned to my flat, toilet brush and detergent in hand, my flatmate exclaimed: i was wondering what happened to you, because you just disappeared in the middle of cleaning the toilet. i told myself that if you didn't come back by midnight, something bad might've happened.

smirk.

after that refreshing sleep, i went right back to cleaning the toilet. after which, i scrubbed the sink, stove, the outside of the fridge and the kitchen floor.

insane right?

I can give you what you want.

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Tuesday, June 02, 2009 | 10:10 PM

today,

just for today,
i'm happy.

Labels: note

I can give you what you want.

dreaming with a broken heart

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Thursday, May 07, 2009 | 6:25 AM

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

You roll out of bed and down on your knees
and for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here
Is she standing in my room?

No, she's not
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part

She takes you in with her crying eyes
then all at once you have to say goodbye
wondering could you stay my love
will you wake up by my side?

No, she can't
cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my, roses in my hands?
Would you get them if I did?

No, you won't
Cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part.

Labels: lyrics

I can give you what you want.

"what happens in barcelona stays in barcelona."

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Saturday, April 18, 2009 | 6:46 AM

almost every single day for the past few weeks, months even, has been spent reading seemingly endless stacks of literature; all those sleepless nights agonizing over this pilot dissertation. i grow more and more weary with each day, surviving on 4 and a half hours of sleep or less. with assignments piled on daily at amfi; concepting, mindmaps, powerpoint presentations and this pilot due back at uca, my spirit is slowly but surely being worn down to nothingness.

(fyi: the pilot, brand manual and marketing strategy are due ON THE SAME DAY)

i find that these days, i don't have much to say, i'm my very own personal zombie. i am even beginning to find comfort in solitude - shocking! - lest i infect others with my flagging spirit.

every morning i wake up, therein lies the problem; an internal tug-of-war - the struggle to get up, get dressed and drag my unwilling body out of the flat, onto a tram and to school. i find no solace in mindnumbingly long lectures, writing notes until my brain goes blank and fails to absorb anything else. i just want to be alone.

i can't help but wish for the days of barcelona; where we had absolutely no cares in the world. perfect weather; the sun, sand, sea, perfect food; eating delicious tapas, paella and drinking wine everyday, being madly spontaneous (how unlike me); let this be known, i was in excellent company. 4 of us, 4 bottles of wine, drinking ourselves silly by the beach, CRASHING BARCELONA FASHION WEEK AND ACTUALLY GETTING ESCORTED INTO THE TENT/FASHION SHOW - LIKE VIPS.

summary: got word that BFW coincided with our study trip. spontaneity struck! got dressed to kill. cabbed to the location. upon arrival, noticed beefy security guards and everyone with VIP/PRESS tags. so screwed. were about to give up and go home. walked to the opp side, it looked like the admin/logistics tent. IL talked her/our way into the fashion show. apparently folks, all it takes is the truth. and maybe a little exaggeration.

:)

endless shopping; for some reason, shopping in barca was a completely different experience to shopping elsewhere, for once i was in the right mood to try & buy. i bought this assymetrical jersey summer dress from mango, in the most shocking tangerine. i made the executive decision after the sad realization that my wardrobe is utterly drab and lacking in colour. other purchases include a navy military/marching band-esque blazer with rows of rusty coloured buttons along the lapels, the prettiest lingerie i've ever laid my hands on and a box of HAPPY PILLS (yes, that's actually the name of the shop) for V1.

i have the sweetest memories of barca. ALL of us waking up with hangovers every. single. morning, holding animated discussions based on the foggy remnants of our previous night's escapades. (in my case, completely forgetten chunks resurfacing at the breakfast table, and being kindly informed by F that i actually HUGGED F/P in my inebriated state. apparently i become extremely friendly/touchy/flirtatious under the influence - so i've been told.)

no comment. at least i had SOME sense left in me not to extend a hug to BP. thank god for self-control. he's just the most beautiful boy everrr. double sigh.

most of this talk took place in the boy's bathroom, where we promptly claimed territory soon after arriving at the lovely hostel. never in my wildest dreams did i envision getting drunk and peeing on the beach. HAHA! if it's any consolation, i doubt any of us did. i vaguely recall lying on our 'borrowed' (otherwise known as stolen) blankets from the hostel, listening to music on F's iphone? and gazing at the stars in the sky. then the sudden urge to whip off my boots - it simply didn't feel right wearing shoes on the beach, and not feeling the sand between your toes - and run into the ocean. the rest of them were wise not to follow suit, it was FREEEEEZING as i learnt in due time, but worth every second.

listening to groove armada's "at the river" as i write this passage and it is the perfect song of choice. that's exactly how i felt; IL had her camera on hand the instant i ran into the water. my red floral dress emerged looking like a blaze of fiery flames amidst the blur of waves. i can't help but smile at the thought of that particular moment in time, captured in a photograph.

it was delightful. even in my drunken state, i remember telling them that the water felt like 'champagne and strawberries'. don't ask me when/how i got so poetic. not a clue.

oh right, how can i forget to mention this? gaudi architecture, sagrada familia yada yada. it's not that i didn't enjoy it, i did. it was gorgeous, but not really my cup of tea. i much preferred the museum of contemporary art. ah, that i truly enjoyed. and our last night in barca; the fashion show afterparty followed by a wild night which i will not elaborate on. lest my boyfriend reads this entry. nothing he doesn't already know though.

i held back on blogging about barca, because i felt that unless i was in the right frame of mind, my words wouldn't do it justice. it was by far, the most amazing experience i've had. travel, or otherwise. great company, great conversations. note: i saw the most undescribable sunset atop one of the gaudi buildings, as well as on the flight back to amsterdam. they were beautiful in different ways. the former was in shades of dusty pink and blue; its beauty caught me by surprise. i couldn't stop myself from taking one photo after the other, right up till the moment my camera decided to die on me. which was a blessing in disguise, because it allowed me to truly take in the moment, and experience it firsthand.

maybe if i close my eyes and still my mind, i can recreate that moment in my head...

Labels: school, travel

I can give you what you want.

good friday.

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Saturday, April 11, 2009 | 7:36 AM

evidence of our little good friday dinner party in the kitchen.

flash made the waldorf salad and garlic bread (in silver foil). i made salmon avocado (+ cream cheese) sushi (notice the internet printout of 'how to roll sushi' standing next to the food). elmer made macaroni pasta and louie made spicy chicken wings. drinks: red/white wine, lemon tea & fruit juice.

attendance: flash (in navy and white stripes), louie (in grey and white), elmer (in green), said (in black) and ME (not pictured). zorni came in later (also not pictured).

happy good friday folks!

i sure had a fantastic one. a homecooked dinner with 3 flatmates/2 classmates, everyone sitting in the dark, surrounded by tealight candles. just eating, drinking and chatting the night away. lovely. i hope everyone had a great time, i know i did, thanks for coming and contributing!

xoxo.

Labels: dinner

I can give you what you want.